(Met)a(l)lice Revolutions

This is the concluding part of my "dream-story". It will obviously be the crappiest too as I HAVE to necessarily use the remaining songs, unlike Part I or Part II where I could choose the songs. Anyway...


On hearing the summon, The Hare and The Hammet set off behind the horsemen like they were answering the Call of the Ktulu or something. Lars and Hames looked at each other, shrugged, and decided to follow them. Just as Lars was about to start walking, he heard a tiny voice scream, "Don't Tread on Me!"

The two looked down to find a tiny caterpillar with puffs of smoke around his head. Hames lifted it up in his palm and saw a two-headed caterpillar smoking a Hookah. "And what might you be?", asked Lars quite naturally, as he had lost the ability to be surprised by things in that place.
"I'm a 2x4, see. Two heads and Four legs." Then it stiffened its miniscule body, drew a deep breath in and started in a stentorian voice, "I'm the Leper Messiah, the one who represents all the unfortunate, the handicapped, the two-headed..." At this, its voice trailed off and it looked melancholy, "I'm the Harvester of Sorrow. I collect the woes of all such people and submit them to the queen."

"Oh, but how did you end up as such a Damaged Case?" Lars was curious to know.

"A Bad Seed, that's how. My Mama Said I could eat it and that it was the same as any other. But no sooner had I done so, poof! There I was, two-headed and four-legged. It must've had some Thorn Within, and now, there's no Fixer who can cure this problem."

"Ah yes, very sad, the story of this Damage of yours. But we're going to the trial now, you wanna tag along?" asked Hames.

The caterpillar, however, went on as if it hadn't heard him, "Yes, yes. You want to hear another story? It's a story Of a Wolf And Man. It..."

"That's Red Riding Hood." interrupted Lars, unceremoniuosly.

"It is?" the caterpillar asked thoughtfully and then conceded, "Ok, it is. But then, can't you allow one moment of Free Speech for The Dumb? Do you HAVE to interrupt? Oh my stars are all wrong... My whole Astronomy is screwed up." it lamented.

"You mean ASTROLOGY?" corrected Hames.

"There! You did it again! Didn't let me finish!", shrieked the caterpillar. By now Hames was reaching the Frayed Ends of Sanity. Shaking his head, he put the caterpillar down and said, "Whatever, we are off to the trial. See you there, hopefully. Hasta La Vista, Baby."

"You mean Carpe Diem, Baby, right? You can't use Spanish here, the Metal Militia will be onto you in a flash."

But by now, Lars and Hames were tired of the caterpillar's constant bickering and had moved away. Pretty soon, they came upon the courthouse, which was nothing but a palatial mansion which bore the name "Greenhell". They entered to find that the Rabbit was already pleading its case, "...Bleeding Me. That's why I couldn't make it on time. It was no fault of mine, Oh King. Blame it on him, blame it on my Loverman."

"So you should have Fought Fire with Fire, right? You should've knocked him down, left him to his Creeping Death and made it on time!" said the King. Turning to his Queen, he asked, "What do you think Dear, 50 Whiplashes?"

"What!" screamed the queen, "Let him off that easily? Of course not! Kill The Wabbit!" she screamed again. Then, turning to the Rabbit, she grinned wickedly, "Die, Die My Darling."

"Wait!" shouted Hames as the whole court turned and looked at him.

"Ah, Enter Sandman." the Hare announced. Hames walked up and took the stand. He looked around till the crowd fell silent and then started off in his deep voice, "How can you condemn someone to death just like that? Look at him, a poor Outlaw Torn between death and duty. Do you know the impact a death can cause? Do you even understand the value of life. that you take it away so easily? Do you" he asked, pointing at the queen, "know how it is to Ride The Lightning? Have you felt the Ecstacy of Gold? Have you ever lost yourself in the Low Man's Lyric?" At this point, Hames' voice had reached a crescendo and he stopped to catch his breath. The whole crowd stared with bated breath at the queen, who had gone prety red in the face. Then she drew a deep breath and screamed, "Off with his head!"

Hames felt the floor of the stand dropout from under him and plunged into a gaping hole. Lars was shocked at this and not knowing what to do, ran and dived in after Hames into the same hole. After a long fall, they landed on grass of some kind and were dazed for a second. They shook their heads and got up on their feet to find themselves back on the riverbank. They looked at each other for a moment, not knowing what to say and then Lars asked, "Hangover?"

"Oh yes... Yeah, guess so, sure." Hames hesitated, "You don't remember any Rabbits or Hares, do you?"

"Well, I mean... yeah, it's kind of vague in my mind, something about Hares and Queens and stuff. I think it's best if we agree that our trip Through the Neverland just didn't happen."

"Yes yes." Hames hurriedly agreed, "You know, it's like a story. It gets over, you Turn The Page and move on."

They walked along in silence towards their car. Then Hames turned to Lars and said, "You know, after ALL that, I've attained a new outlook in life. From now on, I'm going to concentrate on my music, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!"