I'm a calm man. I'm a man who suppresses emotions and does not splay them all over the canvas of my life for all to see vividly. I'm a man who walks alone. People have a hard time reading me, knowing me. I don't blame them, I don't know me. What I want, what I care for, what I love, what I would give my life for. The works. As a result, people never know what I'm feeling, at a given point. It doesn't show on my face, my words, my action. And I end up thinking to myself, how callous can people get, can't they see I'm frustrated? But the fact is, they can't. And I have no one else to blame but me.
Life during the holidays has been a blank sheet. Nothing's happened. And so I've been able to do what one is supposed to do with one's holidays. Enjoy them. Of course, I miss not having cofee at 2 A.M... and not sleeping that night because of that very coffee, but Hey, you win some, you lose some. Loll in front of the Laptop all day without feeling any guilt about the next day's classes. (Mis)use the internet to the fullest, chatting on (so far, a maximum of) 6 windows at a time. Watch T.V, even if it shows the same Maradona solo goal against England 23 times a day. You know, generally indulge in the indulgent, consumerist lifestyle that we have got used to indulging in. The things you own, end up owning you, Fight Club style
And today, I got frustrated. I got frustrated, and I got angry, and I smiled. I smiled and made a joke and since that was normal behaviour, no one asked me if anything was up. And that made me sad. Really sad. Angry too, but that I already was. So it was mostly sadness. That welled up inside me and washed over me like a wall of water 6 feet tall, leaving me behind, cold and drenched. But it was my fault. If I was angry, I should've shown it. At the world. The world is not waiting to do you any favours. You gotta ask for it if you want any.
What in the name of God am I typing? Wait, some other time, if I feel like it... I'll elaborate on this.
My blog is alive though. Great news for my millions of non-existent fans, that.
10 comments:
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Ah good...after a long time, you have finally become a Speaking Duck:P
whoa... what was that?
:O
don't worry dude, your time will come!
and i'm sorry if this bout of depression was brought about by what i said. :D
Bofi,
Wow, all the way from Tokyo, surely I can claim an international audience now :). And Speaking Duck, I always was, nothing new.
Riko,
No idea :)
Anirudh,
Ok don't kid yourself thinking that your poor, sodden life is any better than mine. And this was some different incident.
geez! thanks for letting me down easy!!
Terrible punning on peking duck I am afraid:((
Blame it on the long hours...
Bofi,
Peking? That's China, isn't it? I thought we were talking Japan here ;).
Anyway, how're you people da, Middleman, Monty, JD and all...
'The world is not waiting to do you any favours. You gotta ask for it if you want any.'
True! And good to know that you're blog's not dead. :P
Though mine is approaching it)
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