A wee bit o' celebration

It has nothing to do with the game itself, and yet it's one of the most fascinating, and at times controversial moments in football. Quite a few players have their own, unique post-goal celebration, while others just give in to the mood of the moment, and let lose. Especially tight matches which bear goals in the 90th minute are mostly likely to produce a shirt-off celebration along with/followed by running all around the pitch a couple of times. Now, of course, taking your shirt off leads to a straight yellow card, and that's enough for most players to be restrained from doing a Dada-on-Lord's-terrace. Pity, really, because I always thought that it is only in the moment of greatest ecstasy after scoring a goal that you actually reveal your inner self. Literally.

Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, otherwise known as Kaka has probably the most recognizable celebrations on the football field. As the ball ripples the net, Kaka tears off to raise his arms and head towards heaven in an obvious gesture of gratitude to God. But for what? To answer this question, two important facts need to be stated here.
1. Kaka was a virgin till he got married, which, for a footballer at his level, is near sacrilege.

2. When he eventually did get married, he got himself this...

From here we work on presumptions, but based on the above two reasons, especially the very strong second one, the following theory can be stated as being nearly accurate. As most of you might have figured, Kaka is obviously not a virgin anymore, but just to make things interesting, let us suppose he has some sort of arrangement with his wife. Like if he scores in the game, then that night... you get the message. So, without sullying Kaka's character too much, I think it's a safe conclusion that whenever he scores (on the football pitch), he thanks God for his score (off the football pitch). His is a standing example of how there is a woman behind every successful man (or under. Or above. Whatever works for him man).

Along the same lines would be the celebrations of England's answer to Brazil's Kaka, Frank Lampard. I think it's a midfielder thing, raising the arm towards heaven, because strikers almost always point towards the midfielder who provided them with the final pass. While Lampard's is not so much of an obvious sign of gratitude to the skies, he does precede the raising of his hand towards the sky with a kiss on his left hand. Without using too much rocket science, it becomes clear that that is the hand that holds the engagement ring, and the person who put it there is...
Frankie L is not so much a good boy as Kaka, because he's already had a baby girl with his lady before marriage, but he clearly values the ring on his hand, so we presume his intentions are honourable.

Another distinct, and unique celebration will have to be Bolton Wanderers and France striker Nicholas Anelka's. After each of his usually stunning goals, Anelka holds his hands in front of his chest, with the thumbs interlocked and the rest of the fingers outstretched, forming a sort of a butterfly. This is probably the most confounding celebration to decipher, and the striker himself has said that it's a private joke between him and his French friends. That leaves us with only one option- that India's exalted low-cost carrier, Air Deccan had, at some point, been involved in Anelka's life, what with their logo being something similar, except that the thumbs are not interlocked. A probable story is that sometime, while traveling incognito, Anelka missed a flight from Mumbai to France, just because his connecting flight from Calcutta to Mumbai on Air Deccan got, as usual, delayed. From then on, Anelka's celebration, directed at Air Deccan and not his French friends as he claims, probably means to say 'If you could connect your two hands, you'd probably succeed in making people catch their connecting flights'

The controversial celebration of Robbie Fowler going to the touchline and acting as if he sniffed Cocaine shall not be dissected in great detail here as it is a one-off and not a customary thing. And thank God for Robbie that it was only a one-off, the league didn't take kindly to his endorsement of the non-drinking variety of Coke.

As sheer cheek goes, one last celebration has to be mentioned. Portugese sensation Nani, who joined Manchester United this season has been expressly banned by Sir Alex Ferguson from showing off his gymnastic skills on the football pitch. Therefore, in all of United's games in Asia, and other practice matches, the forwards flip-backward flip-handless backward flip was kept dutifully inside the locker by Nani. But then the league started, and United got off to a bad start, with a goal drought hitting last season's top scorers. In such a situation, staring at another 0-0 in the game against Tottenham, Nani came up with a blistering 25-yard strike to give United the win. After the goal, Nani pointedly asks his teammates to hold off, and goes on to do his elaborate gymnastic routine, ending with the handless back flip. The perceptive camera-man zoomed straightaway towards Sir Alex, to see his reaction. He remained all smiles, celebrating the goal. But then, cameras can't enter the locker room.

P.S: Kaka is a devout Christian. In 2000, after an accident in the pool, he was threatened by paralysis, and hence an end to his career. He recovered fully from that, an act he still attributes to God. The gratitude to the skies after every goal is mostly with regard to this. But then, who says you can't be grateful for two different things, eh?