(Met)a(l)lice Reloaded

This is Part II of a three-part series. If you missed Part I, read it here before proceeding.


As they walked away from the Cheshire Cat, they came upon a scurrying White Rabbit muttering to itself, "Too Late, Too Late, I'm already so late, The Small Hours fly away so quicly. Oh, the Queen will surely put me through that torturous Dyer's Eve for this. Oh dear me, dear me, it's so late..."

"Excuse me," Hames walked up to the rabbit and asked in his most civilized voice, " What exactly are you talking about?"

The Rabbit seemed to have not heard him. It went on lameting, "Oh, I'd rather die than be put through that. For every moment of being in that, To Live is to Die." Suddenly it looked up and noticed Lars and Hames. "Huh, who are you two? You come here looking like Phantom Lords and stand around doing nothing? Any more time spent wastefully here and the Queen will decide you are just Disposable Heroes and have you executed!"

Hames was ammused, "Hero? WOW! Look Lars, we've been here for a single insane hour and we're already the Hero of the Day." Turning to the rabbit, he said, "But tell us, who's this Queen you keep referring to? She seems to be the Master of Puppets around here."

"Why, she's the mother of The Prince, of course." The Rabbit replied nonchalantly.

"Which Prince?" asked Lars.

"Prince Charming, isn't it obvious? And the wife of The King, King Nothing. Oh, she has a terrible Attitude. She's the one who presides over all trials, and in her book, Justice for All means beheading everyone!" Looking at its watch, The Rabbit gave a little shriek, "Yikes! I'd better Blitzkrieg there now, or else the Queen will Seek and Destroy me."

"Hey, wait... wait", Lars called out but the Rabbit was already scurrying away.

"Poor guy, he'll surely be made to Jump in the Fire. He's way beyond being late, he's Over-Late!" Lars and Hames turned to see who was talking and found the cat again, grinning from ear to ear.

"He'll get killed for being late?" Lars asked incredulously.

"No no, killed for being late, Overkilled for being Over-late!" The Cat said with all the finality of the one passing the judgement, "It's Sad But True", it concluded.

"And what makes you Holier Than Thou, that you go around passing judgement on others?"

"I am good, that's what. Good and perfect. Am I Evil? No, i'm not... so I do as I please." And saying so, it started disappearing again.

"Wait, wait... how do you do that? And where do we go now?" Hames asked.

"It's Electric," the cat said, pointing to a small button on its underside, "I push this button here and I can Fade to Black, disappear into the background. You two, just go straight down this path and turn into the first left." And giving those vague directions, it completely disappeared.

Lars and Hames followed the Cat's directions and came upon a house where a March Hare and a Mad Hammet were sitting and drinking tea.

"Whose house is this?" Hames asked, now pretty much convinced that everything in that place could talk.

"This is The House that Jack Built", replied the hare.

"No actually, it's HIS house," interrupted The Hammet, pointing to the March Hare, "What day is it?", he continued in the same breath.

"Tuesday", replied Lars.

"Tuesday's Gone! Today's Wednesday!" said the Hare triumphantly.

"What crap? You people need a Crash Course in Brain Surgery." Hames exploded.

"No no, it's YOU who need that. My Memory Remains as good as ever. It's Wednesday today and what's more, it's tea time!" said The Hammet. They heard a sound of bells in the distance. The Hammet continued, "Listen, it's us For Whom The Bell Tolls. So sit down, both of you."

"Yes, yes tea. And you, Motorbreath", said the Hare, pointing to Lars, "stay away from me, your breath stinks!"

"Why you little..." Lars got up boiling with anger, but Hames held him back. Then he calmed down and said, "No use Wasting my Hate on you, you little pipsqueak." He sat down glaring angrily at The Hare.

"So where's the tea?" Hames asked.

"Why right here, in front of you... But I guess being able to see the tea depends on the Eye of The Beholder", The Hammet explained.

"They have NoTeoPia, they need to get it Cured", shrieked the Hare.

"Yes, yes, you need to do the Devil's Dance", The Hammet concurred.

"What in the name of The God that Failed is that?" asked a thoroughly confused Lars.

But before he could get an explanation, Four Horsemen rode up to them and announced, "Hear ye, Hear ye! All are required to gather at the courthouse, for the trial of The Rabbit..."

(To be concluded)